i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
