We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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