I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize