I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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