Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
