Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
