No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
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You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
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Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
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