i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
