More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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