So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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