guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
