I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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