You can't motorboat a personality
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
