reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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