i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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