we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
