I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Randomize
