she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
