Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
