Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
