you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
