we have officially lost it.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
