I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
