I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
