There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
