I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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