I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
