you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
