Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
