Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
