ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
