She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
