i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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