For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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