It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
