you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
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Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
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Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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