this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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