a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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