When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
