Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
