Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
