did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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