I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
