I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
And then my night got REAL pukey
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
