I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
