I got chris browned last night
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
