Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I think i got beer on your cat.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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