I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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