I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize