i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
