i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
My breath smells like gin and sadness
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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