I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
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Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
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I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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