Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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