dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
