Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
