I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I party with great urgency now.
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