He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
