I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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