Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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