I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
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The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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