Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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