I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
