I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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