haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
