you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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