I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
i drank out of a bidet.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
