I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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