Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
