Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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