And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
