My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
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I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
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I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Two words: blizzard sex
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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