So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
