The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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