DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
