What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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