WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
