no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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