I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
