I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
