I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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