God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
