this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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