Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Randomize
